school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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