I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
