Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
