i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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