after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
