I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
