they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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