What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
