So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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