Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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