i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
