My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
