I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
