dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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