it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
