So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
