Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
wow bdsm is so cute
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
