HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
