YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
