I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
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