I feel great
I just peed on a car
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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