So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
