Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
