I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
