I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
