She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
