I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
