My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
