So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
