Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
