White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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