He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize