All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
