did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
