i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He passed out mid-signature
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
