hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
