theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
