Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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