Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
