On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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