Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
