allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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