nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
