We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
