I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
