am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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