Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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