He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
