the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize