Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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