all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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