did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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