Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
