If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
