I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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