I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
