3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
And then my night got REAL pukey
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
