happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So vagazzling was a success
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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