When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
