So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
