I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
