She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
