Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
