The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
