Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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