a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize