I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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