bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
