he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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