I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
