The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
