is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Pooping to opera.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
