Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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