apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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