Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
