If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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