I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
