I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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