after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
