Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I would fuck him just for his dog
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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