I need to stop coming to work sober
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
