what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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