ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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