3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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