Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
