how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
